The answers to the age-old question, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” made the Internet rounds last election. The first Bush and Kerry answers were from that e-blast. The rest are mine.

George W. Bush - “The chicken crossed the road because he realized he was either with us or against us and wanted to be on our side.”

John Kerry – “I originally supported the chicken crossing the road, but once he crossed I realized he had made a grave error.”


Pat Buchanan – “Look…it doesn’t matter why the chicken crossed the road…we’ve got to deal with the fact that he HAS crossed the road.”

Pat Robertson – “The chicken crossed the road in repentance for allowing his eggs to be scrambled into omelet’s all those years. He is now a decidedly Pro-Life chicken.”

John Kerry (again) – “Let me clarify…I originally supported the idea of the chicken crossing the road but then realized he had made a grave error. I now know that while the original intent for crossing the road was good, and that is why I supported the notion, there are many gray areas…..(more from him later).

Ted Kennedy – “Ossifer, the chicken (hiccup) crossed the ro-oooaad (hiccup) to get to the o-o-ther (hiccup) si-i-i-i-de.”

Hillary Clinton – “There’s no proof the chicken crossed the road. I believe she stayed right in the middle-of-the-road and she’s not budging.”

Ross Perot – “My charts clearly indicate he could buy a new hen-house for every chicken in Arkansas by crossing the road.”

Dick Cheney – “The chicken crossed the road to receive a no-bid contract on behalf of Halliburton.”

John Kerry (again) – “I’ll explain further. I originally supported the idea of the chicken crossing the road but that was when I thought there would be a whole flock of chickens crossing the road with him. A chicken should never cross the road by itself. And that is why I no longer support the idea of the chicken ever having crossed the road….(ahem).